Spring is FINALLY in the air!

I believe that Spring is FINALLY in the air! I went to work this morning for the first time in just a long-sleeved t-shirt! And I wasn't freezing! It actually felt good. It's not HOT, by any means. But there's a hint of warmth in the air, and it feels WONDERFUL! Tulips and spring flowers are starting to come up and buds are forming on the trees. NEW LIFE! That's always a promising scene! On my drive home from work, everyone in Findlay must have felt that hint of spring as well! Many people were OUTSIDE, working in their yards, raking leaves, cleaning out their flower beds, playing with their dogs, dogs chasing squirrels up the trees....it was so great to see HUMAN LIFE outside. When I got home, I opened up the windows to air out the house. I got to thinking as I was opening up the windows, that we, as human beings, should do a spring cleaning of our souls and lives, too, just as we do for our house. Just as it is good to open up the windows of our houses to let out all the old, winter germs and old, stagnant air out, I believe we should do the same thing to our souls and bodies. Get out and enjoy the spring air, take in a deep breath of the fresh air and then exhale all the negatives in your life. LET GO AND LET GOD! It has become my new motto. Just as spring has arrived, let a new YOU arrive as you go through spring and the rest of the year. You will be surprised how much better you will feel. I have let go of the negative energy in my life and have started to think positively. And, I believe that it truly works! Here's an example. I have been applying online for quite some time for several different openings at the local hospital here in Findlay. I have responded to every email that the hospital has sent me in regards to new openings. Well, today, I received a call for an interview tomorrow morning! I look at this interview as a new beggining. I may not receive the position, but at least it's a start, and I know that EVENTUALLY it will all fall into place when God decides that it's time! So, remember....think positive. I know it's corny, but it works. And it takes so much less energy to think this way instead of being negative, or thinking negatively. Enjoy the springtime and take time to enjoy its beauty!

Ever have one of those days?

Have you ever had one of those days when you either want to scream at the top of your lungs or sit down in a corner somewhere by yourself and cry? That is the type of day I am having, and for no particular reason. The problem with having a day off is that it gives me too much "thinking" time. I sat in bed this morning, thinking about all the "what ifs" in my life. What if I hadn't met my first husband in college and decided that college was more important than love? Well, had I done that, I would have been Dr. Mary Hayes by now. On the other hand, I wouldn't have had my 2 beautiful daughters, and I can't imagine not having Kim and Kasey in my life! After 8 years of marriage, it was over. I was willing to live even in a peaceful co-existence with Dan for the sake of the girls. I even offered to let him basically live his own life if it meant that he would stay in our house so the girls had both parents. He decided he could not do that, basically because he was already involved with someone new. Oh well.....then there is the what if I had been thinking with my head instead of my heart and not married my second husband? For that one, there is not a BUT....it was 8 years of pure torture and pain and if I could take back those years and have a re-do, I would! That's still a touchy subject for me, and is probably the BIGGEST regret of my life! That is 8 years I cannot get back. That is 8 years of my daughters' lives that I cannot rewind and do over to make it better for them. So, as I sat in bed thinking over all of these thoughts, I thought to myself that I have a choice. I can keep harboring these angry feelings to the point that I will eventually explode in rage, OR, I can cut my losses and move on! I have chosen to move on. After all, I cannot change the past. I cannot rewind the clock to change these mistakes. My biggest regret is that I chose to marry my second husband when I knew on my wedding day that it was a mistake! But......I'm moving forward from now on. No more "what ifs" because I can't change it anyway. Here's to the days ahead! I am in control now! No more looking back!

Adjusting to the "Big City"

I remember when we first moved to Marion. I was slowly making friends at my new school. One in particular went out of her way to make me feel welcome. Her name was Amber Ault. She was a fellow band member, but also liked writing poetry. Since I had written a lot of poems, too, we formed a friendship and began to share our writings with each other. About a month after our friendship had formed, Amber came to school one morning and said she had an extra ticket to a concert at the Palace Theater for a band that I cannot remember, but they were popular at the time. Actually, to have a band as popular as them come to Marion was pretty impressive! So, I went home from school and told my mom and dad about the concert and told them that Amber had invited me. Well, because we lived in the "big city", I think they assumed that anyone who invited me to a concert was probably into drugs, alcohol, and any other evil that they could think of, and so their answer was NO. I remember at the time being highly annoyed with their response. I remember going to my room, rolling my eyes on the way, and thinking how old fashioned they were. I lived through this traumatic event and even though at the time I thought my life was over, I got through it. Looking back on it now, as I am older, I realize that they were just trying to protect me. After all, they hadn't met Amber. I think the adjustment to living in a bigger town not only affected me, but it took a toll on my parents as well. Marion was a rough town, and we didn't live in the greatest of areas. I think that they just didn't want to see me get hurt. Eventually they got to meet Amber and realized that she was just a normal girl, who wanted to be my friend. As a parent, I now realize that you just don't want anyone to hurt your children, or influence them in a negative way. When my girls were growing up, I preferred their friends to be at my house, rather than them going to their friends house. My feeling on that was that if they were in my house, I at least knew what was going on and it gave me a chance to get to know their friends. The girls had good taste in friends, and I was very fortunate that they didn't fall into the wrong crowd. Those were good days, when they were young. I enjoyed being around their friends and I became like a second mom to most of them. And that's how I wanted it to be. The girls' friends felt comfortable talking to me about anything and everything. That is one thing that I wish I would have had with my parents. They were wonderful parents. In fact, I couldn't have asked for 2 better people to raise me. But, the communication wasn't always there. I think at times they felt better not knowing everything. As a parent, I preferred to know the good, the bad and the ugly. And it is still like that now, even since they are grown and on their own. We have had some stumbling blocks, but now that I am back in Ohio, things have improved immensely. I think they just missed me so much, that the only way for them to communicate at the time was to lash out in anger. That's why, even though I miss Tennessee terribly and all the friends that I had there, I wouldn't trade it for what I have now. I am where I need to be.....even though the weather is depressing and cold! It feels good to be able to get in the car and be at my daughter's house in just a few minutes. And, all I have to do is see my grandson Kyle's smile, and it reaffirms the fact that I made the right move! Family is important. At times, I think I tend to forget that! So, my goal as we go through this year is to work on my relationships not only with my daughters, but also with my brothers. Growing up in the Hayes household was not always easy because we lacked the communication gene! We all love each other, and I think we all know that. We just have to work on learning to tell each other how much we love each other. So, my brothers, if you are reading this, know that I DO love you very much, and I'm going to try to be a bigger part of your life from now on. After all, none of us are getting any younger!!!! And to my daughters, YOU ARE MY LIFE!!!! You are my heroes and I can't imagine my life without you in it! I'm proud of both of you.

If you have family, TELL THEM that you LOVE them! Even if you have differences, don't let that stop you from loving each other. Tell them before it's too late. Don't have to live with regrets of not telling someone how much you love them.

Until next time.....

Mary

P.S. The baby at the top if Kyle Matthew! Now tell me that's not the cutest little boy you've ever seen!

Entering into the Blogging World!

So, I've entered into the blogging world. My brother just recently started this new adventure in February, and, since I like to write, I've decided to give it a shot! You never know what you may find in my blog......it could be a blog about how I'm feeling on a particular day or it could be a story from my past. I've decided to use this as a venting post....as a personal therapy session for myself, and in the process, maybe help someone else along the way that may be going through or has gone through some of my past experiences. I'm just a normal type of woman....there's nothing special about me. But, sometimes, I think that writing things is a great form of therapy.

Having said all of that, let's give it a shot. Let's see......where do I begin? Maybe the best thing for me to do is to let you know a little bit about myself. I grew up as a "preacher's kid". I grew up in the United Methodist church and have met many wonderful people along the way. I grew up the majority of my young years in a small town in Ohio, which seemed like home to me. Then, at the beginning of my freshman year, I was told by my parents that we were being transferred to a different church in Ohio. Having grown up in McComb, a very small community where "everyone knows your name", I was not looking forward to the move to Marion, Ohio! I went from a class of around 80 classmates to a class of over 430! To a kid, it was like going from Walnut Grove to New York City! I recently took a trip back to Marion and had to chuckle, because Marion really isn't all that large, but at the time, it was a huge adjustment. It took me a long time to accept this move, and even though I got involved in Band, and other activities, it wasn't the same. I missed my old friends terribly. My father, I believe, saw that I was trying hard to adjust, but all the same, having a hard time, and got me involved in what was called the District Youth Conference through the United Methodist Conference. Once I became involved with that, I then became involved in the Conference Youth Council for the West Ohio Conference. Through both the District and Conference Youth Councils, I met some very close friends, who I still keep in touch with to this day. Even though these organizations were not school related, it helped me learn how to meet new people, which I took back to my new school and started letting people into my life that wanted to be my friend. Eventually, it all worked out....I survived and graduated from Marion Harding High School in 1980. To this day, I can still remember how I felt, moving to a new town, going to school for the first day and seeing nothing but strange faces, and wanting to run back to the town and people that I knew and loved so much. Change is something I have never been good at in my life. I prefer things to stay the way they are. But, if things in our life never changed, we wouldn't have the chance to grow. We wouldn't have the chance to experience new things.....meet new people......we wouldn't learn that we are actually stronger than we think we are. I truly thought I would never adjust to this move, especially being the beginning of my high school years.......but I did! Since graduating from high school, my life has been a roller coaster ride. It has been anything but easy. I have been through 2 failed marriages, and, once again, I never thought in a million years that I'd ever be divorced ONCE, much less TWICE! But, that's a whole other blog! I know I will write about that in time. My second marriage was one that I barely got out of alive, due to the physical abuse, but I did! One of my favorite sayings is "That which does not kill you makes you stronger." I live by that! During all of my down times, I've often wondered if I could handle even one more thing.....but I did! So, I guess the beginning of my blogging experience is to prove to anyone reading this that no matter what you go through in life, you CAN survive, and in the process, become a better person. Sometimes, God makes you fall to your knees so that you will look up and realize who's in control! Believe me, I've been there many times. You can ask anyone who knows me.....I'm a very stubborn person and I always want to handle everything on my own.......sometimes, however, you have to swallow that pride, and ask for help. You know, God is always with us.......it's just that WE are the ones that turn our eyes away from our maker. I'm learning, as I get older, to let GO, and let GOD handle my life! And, if you could hear God talking, I'm sure He would say, "IT'S ABOUT TIME!!!"

Anyway, this is my first blog. I will be writing many more. Like I said, I will be writing about my personal experiences....some painful, some funny, and my hope is that someone will find something in my scribbles to take with them and help them in some way.

Until next time......

Mary