I am so fortunate.....

Sometimes you don't realize how lucky you are until you listen to other people talk. I was at work the other day, and one of my co-workers was coming back to work after losing her father. When she got out of her truck, she looked at me and I could tell that she was on the brink of "losing it". So, I walked with her, and asked her if she wanted to talk about it. And she did! She let it all out.....and started to apologize for being so emotional. I told her that apologizing wasn't necessary.....that letting it all go is one of the best things she could do. She told me that she had not had a relationship with her father since she was a child. Her parents were divorced and she lived with her mother because her father didn't want her. Her entire life, she tried to make connections with her dad, but after he got remarried, he devoted his life to his new wife, and didn't want to have a relationship with my co-worker, Peg. She looked at me, and told me that the part that hurt the most was that out of all her brothers and sisters, she was the only one that didn't have a relationship with her father. Peg looked at me, with tears flowing, and asked, "Why couldn't he be a dad to ME, Mary?" It's frustrating when you feel like you have no answer to that....you want so badly to be able to say something that will make them feel better. Peg wasn't looking for a response, though...and I knew this.....she just needed to vent. She told me that she regretted the fact that she didn't have a chance to tell her dad these things in person before he died. It's so hard to see someone, especially someone that you are close to, hurt so much! I told her that she could still talk to her dad. I told her that she should go to the cemetary, and say outloud to him what she wanted to say. I told her to yell, scream, cry.....whatever she felt like doing....just get it out! The next day, Peg came into work, and she told me that she took my advice and went to the cemetary and had a talk with her dad. She told me that it made her feel better and she gave me a hug and thanked me for being a good friend. I realized after listening to Peg tell me about her relationship with her dad just how fortunate I am! I was blessed with two beautiful parents who loved and adored me until the day they both died! They showed me love every day growing up and made me feel wanted. I cannot imagine living in a setting where you aren't wanted, don't feel wanted...don't feel loved. My parents and I may not have always agreed on everything, but NOT ONCE did I ever doubt their love for me. I had a very happy childhood and I wouldn't trade it for anything! Having said that, I realize that I take my good fortune for granted even now.....and then Peg came along and reminded me of my good fortune without even realizing that she did so!

Until next time.....

Be more specific......

OK....here's a little tip! When asking God for warmer weather, be more specific!!! I had been so discouraged by the cooler climate here in Ohio, and found myself letting the weather dictate my moods. So, I said a little prayer and asked for warmer, springier (?) weather......well, God definitely answered my prayers. Warmer weather is here.....but I think this is His way of playing a little joke...yes, I DO think that God has a sense of humor! It's not only warmer.....it's just plain HOT! And in an old house with no air conditioning and only fans to cool the house, it's like living in a kiln! (by the way, we will be looking for an air conditioner this week.) I'm not complaining, though. I asked for warmer weather, and I got it! In the future, though, I think I'll be just a little more specific. I AM thankful, however, for the weather, and will take this ANY DAY over cold and rainy!

Until next time...........

My brother, my hero..............

Growing up in a household with 3 older brothers was a challenge. By the time I was born, my two oldest brothers were well on there way to being in high school, but the brother closest to me in age was Steve. He's 7 years older than me. If there is such a thing as a perfect older brother, it's my brother Steve. Is he perfect? No. Did we ever fight? Yes. In fact, in our younger years, he used to LOVE to wait for mom and dad to leave the house so that he could aggravate me! When I was younger, Steve used to drive me CRAZY!!! However, as we grew older, and Steve was in high school, I really started to think that he was pretty cool! There's not too many older brothers that would take their kid sister to the movies.....I can remember going to "American Grafitti" with Steve. My brother would take me to Cedar Point, too.....just the two of us. When Steve went off to college, I can remember him coming home for the weekend, and he had bought me a t-shirt that said, "Ohio Northern University Streaking Team", which was back in the day when the song, "The Streak" was popular. I thought it was GREAT......my dad, who was the pastor of the Methodist church.....didn't think it was so GREAT!!! Steve just always seemed to be thinking of me...he was always in my corner. He'd also take time to play baseball with me, too, in the back yard, and in the winter, I remember going out into the backyard and we built this monstrosity of a snow sculpture....to this day, I have no idea what it was meant to be, but we had fun...just being together. When Steve met his future wife, Karen, I was blessed with inheriting a "sister". Steve was truly blessed when he found Karen. They have been together ever since. Shortly after they were married, they were both still in school at Miami University of Ohio and they stayed in university housing in their first apartment. I used to go stay with them for a weekend every now and then, and even then, Karen allowed Steve and I to have time together. We'd do simple things, like throwing frisbee, or going to Huston Woods to hike around. During one particular visit, Steve got tickets to see Maynard Ferguson, who was a fantastic trumpet player, and since I played trumpet, I was really excited about getting to see him in concert! As we grew older, and I got married and divorced, we didn't see each other as often as we used to. But, I always knew that all I had to do was pick up the phone and he would be there for me. I've always felt connected to Steve....like I can talk to him about anything. Everyone should have a brother as awesome as Steve. He has had health issues over the years and has really struggled to stay well. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about him, and worry. I just wish I could make him feel better....I would take his illness in a heartbeat if I could, just so he could live happy and healthy! Even though he feels like crap most of the time, he still keeps going, when I know that he'd probably rather just curl up in bed and sleep. Steve fights his disease 24/7, and it really makes me angry that something can't be done for him. Anyway, just thought I'd share with you a little bit about my brother, my hero. I love him unconditionally, and I know he loves me the same! I don't tell him enough how much I love him, but I think he knows.

Until next time.....................

Can I just tell you..........

Can I just tell you that I feel GREAT?! I've been going through a very bad depression over the past few months, that I've tried my best to hide from friends and family. It has been so bad that I have just wanted to sleep as much as possible, and hibernate in my home when I'm not at work. However, I think I've made some great strides in the past few weeks to help myself feel better! I know that the weather has helped immensely! We are finally seeing warm, sunny weather here, which is a big help to me. But, it's not just the weather. I think I've just really done a lot of soul searching of late, and I have come to realize that I really DO have a lot to be thankful for. And if that's not enough, I recently heard from someone that I went to high school with, who read my blogs. She and I knew OF each other in high school, but we weren't really friends. She wrote me the sweetest email after reading my blogs, though, and after reading that, I felt as if I knew her. I then joined facebook, and she and I were able to chat today online, and it just really made my day. After joining facebook, I've been able to connect with a few other classmates, plus one guy that I didn't know because he moved away from our school to a different state before I moved to Marion. But, he and I have had a few conversations, too, and it's like gaining several new friends! It really has made my day! For the first time in a very long time, I've felt like doing things around the house, like cooking....which is a passion of mine, but something that I haven't really enjoyed of late. My body doesn't ache like it used to. I haven't had headaches like I used to. I just FEEL GOOD! That may not mean anything to you, but for someone who has felt like CRAP for so long, it's a major milestone! So........just thought I'd share my little bit of joy with all of you!

Until next time...........