Favorite memories....continued

When the girls and I moved to Trenton, Ohio with my mom and dad, they were still very young. And Kasey was only 2 or 3 when my father passed away. This may seem like a strange favorite memory, but it is one I will never forget. When dad was in his final stages of life, I chose to drive the girls half way to Findlay to be with their father, because since they were so young, I didn't want their last memories of their grandpa to be of his suffering and pain. I also knew that it was just a matter of time before he died; in fact, on my way to Sidney to drop off the girls, I truly didn't even know if dad would be alive by the time I got back. It was probably the longest drive of my life, because I just wanted to get back to be with my dad. On the way up, I was listening to Sandi Patti in the car, and this particular cassette was one that I was listening to on a regular basis during dad's illness, and it helped me to relax to some degree. I remember being very nervous during this drive and uneasy. But, as I drove and listened to Sandi sing, there was a medley of songs that she sang that had become one of my favorites to listen to. In this medley, she sings "Precious Lord, Take My Hand and When I Need Him" and it's absolutely beautiful. Anyway, as this song came on, I remember having tremendous peace. I was no longer uneasy....just completely at peace. I was almost positive that at that very moment, my dad had passed. After I dropped the girls off and drove back to my brother's house, where dad was staying, I was sure that when I walked into the house, dad would be gone. But I was no longer afraid. As it turned out, he was still with us, so I think this song was God's way of helping me through this very stressful time. Anyway, my dad passed away the next morning, and this particular time in my life will be written about in the days to come. To get back to the story, after dad passed away, and after his burial, I went to pick up the girls (they came to his visitation with Dan's parents), my mom and I stopped with the girls at the cemetery to show the girls where grandpa's sick body was and explained that his new body was now in heaven, and he wasn't sick any longer. Kasey, as I said, was only 2 or 3 at the time, and one of the most precious times of my life was after mom and I explained this, Kasey laid down on top of her grandpa's grave to give him a hug and to see if she could look through the dirt to see him again. It was such a tender moment, and I will never forget it as long as I live. Every time that I go to the cemetery, I remember that moment. In the days to follow, the girls and I stayed with my mom, and I think it was good for all of us. Mom moved back to our house once dad passed away, and I think the girls really helped my mom to be able to keep it together. Favorite memories aren't always happy necessarily....sometimes they can be bittersweet, but still a favorite nonetheless.

Until next time..........

One of my favorite memories...

When I got divorced from the girls' father, Kim and Kasey and I moved with my parents to Trenton, Ohio after my father retired. My father had cancer, so I wanted to be near both of my parents to help out, and they helped the girls and me as well. Anyway, my daughter, Kim, was 4 years old at the time and there was a video that she used to love to watch of Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton in concert. She would watch that video over and over again (and I must admit that it was a favorite of mine as well). On my way to work one day, I heard on the radio that Kenny and Dolly were going to be in concert in Cincinnati. I bought tickets right away and kept it a secret. I wanted to surprise Kim. I talked with my mom to see if she could watch Kasey on this date. I was so excited about this surprise for Kim. The day of the concert finally came, and as soon as I got off work, I picked up Kim, and we drove into Cincinnati. I took her out for dinner, and then we drove on into Cincinnati, found a parking spot and started walking to the arena. I still hadn't told Kim who we were seeing. I wanted to try to keep it a complete surprise until Kenny and Dolly came out on stage. As we were walking to the arena, there sat Dolly's bus...with DOLLY written in big, bold letters. I quickly walked Kim past the bus, trying to keep her eyes diverted from the area. We finally got into the arena and found our seats. I was able to keep it a complete surprise and when Kenny and Dolly came out onto the stage, Kim started crying. I think I pulled the surprise off quite nicely! She and I had a very good time that night and I didn't want it to end. I bought her one of the books that was full of pictures of Kenny and Dolly and for many nights after that concert, she would look at it before she went to bed. When Kasey got older, I would do special things with her as well. I enjoyed the one on one times with my girls and I miss that now that they have gotten older and have gone on with their own lives. Now that I am back in Ohio, I hope to be able to pick up where I left off. When Kim was older, we ended up being able to go to a Wynonna concert in Cincinnati as well, and that was a great time as well. My oldest daughter is one of the most amazing people I have ever met! She has turned into a beautiful young lady, and I'm proud that she is my daughter. Kim, if you are reading this, I love you with all my heart, and I hope we can start creating more memories together!

And to Kasey, I love you, too, and there will be blogs written about you, too! I'm not forgetting you! I just choose to do them separately.

Until next time.....

Today was a good day!

For the first time in a long time, I feel better than I have in a very long time. I suffer from depression. I'm not ashamed to say that. I used to be. Not anymore. Anyway, for several months, I have had a routine. I go to work. I come home. I walk my dog either at the park or on a trail behind my house. During work and during the walk with my dog, all I have been able to think about is getting back home, locking the door, laying down and sleeping for as long as I can. That's my day......every day. I've been working very hard to get over this, but it is easier said than done. I can tell myself that I want to feel differently....that I want to quit stressing over the small stuff.....and I can even say out loud that I'm tired of feeling this way and I refuse to give in to this evil demon! It's like being under water, and you can see the surface, but there's like a weight on your ankle, pulling you down every time you try to swim to the top. But, today was different. I went to work as usual, and even though it was a very hectic, hard day, I had a good day! And when I got off work, I called my oldest daughter and went out to see her and my grandson. I had a very good visit with her and on a side note...my grandson is so very close to walking on his own....it's just a matter of days. It was warm here today, and he had on shorts and a cute little shirt and barefoot! He has the most adorable little feet and the shorts were just too cute! There I go again, talking about Kyle. Oh well, it's a good diversion. To get back to the story....I came home, walked Peanut, and when I came back inside.....I stayed up! I made a very delicious meatloaf, puttered around on the computer, cleaned the kitchen, and went outside again with Peanut and didn't take a nap! This may not sound like a big deal to many of you, but for me it is a major milestone! Perhaps I have finally turned the corner! I really hope so. It is now 11:00 p.m. and I'm still not tired! That's a good thing for me. Anyway, today was a good day!

Until next time........

Text messaging....

If you don't have a cell phone these days, you just aren't with the program! And, not only a cell phone.....you MUST learn the art of text messaging! We have come into a world where the main form of communication is not via a telephone conversation! God forbid! No, the main form of communication, especially if you have kids of any age, is text messaging. Dummy me! When I first learned this art, I would actually type a message as if I was typing a letter....with actual words, typed out fully. Over the years, however, I've learned the art of "text lingo" which makes your texting time cut in half! Let me give you a few examples: If your reply is OK, don't waste time typing the "O"; rather, just type "K". (It saves SO much time) If you either received a message that was funny or a message that you know the messenger thought was funny, then rather than type the old fashioned "ha ha", your response would be "LOL" for laughing out loud. If you need to use the word "to", "too", or "two", then just type "2". How about if you need to type the word "your". To save time, just type "ur". This is the English language at its finest! My brother, who I believe is one of the smartest individuals on the planet has even mastered the art of text messaging as well, and I must admit that I've been very impressed with his mastery of abbreviation. I forgot to mention, in case you haven't gotten into the text messaging scene, that you only have a certain number of characters, or spaces for your message, so you have to get pretty creative if you have a lengthy message. I have received a few from my brother that I must admit were pretty impressive, and what's even sadder is that I didn't have any trouble deciphering his message! What's even worse is that when I sit down to write a blog or email someone on the computer, I find myself having to type actual words in order for the message to make any sense! What did the world do before cell phones came into play? They certainly have a lot of advantages, but sometimes, I miss the old fashioned phone conversation when you actually TALKED to someone. Talking.....it's a lost art!

Until next time..........

I can't wait!!!

Well, here's an updated picture of my gorgeous little grandson, Kyle Matthew! He is 9 months old already and I believe he is the cutest little boy I have ever seen! He will be walking soon, I just know it. That little smile of his melts my heart every time I see him! My mind starts to wonder about the days ahead as he gets older. While I don't want them to come too quickly, I am excited at the same time to see him, let's say, play little league baseball! I have a baseball field behind my house, and the other day, the little league teams started their season. It was so nice to look out my back door and hear the baseball chatter and listen to all the sounds of a little league game. I can't wait for Kyle to be on a team so that I can go to all the games! Like I said, I don't want him to grow up too quickly, but i DO look forward to the days in the future when he will hopefully be involved in sports of some kind. It's amazing how much love you can have for a grandchild! The love I have for my little man is beyond comprehension! It's a love that is totally different from the love I have for my children. He is such a precious little boy! He really has helped me in my struggle to overcome depression. I can be having the worst day in the world and as soon as I see his smile, all my troubles seem to melt away. So here's to little league, to grandchildren, to pretty spring days, and everything happy! And, as I said before, I CAN'T WAIT to see Kyle out on the baseball field, dressed in his baseball uniform, and carrying on the American tradition of America's favorite past time!

Until next time............

Try to remember.............

One of my best friends from grade school and junior high just recently lost her mother. Her mother was like my second mom when I was growing up, and she passed away about a month ago. Time goes by so quickly.....seems like only yesterday that I found out about her passing. Today, I opened my email to find out that another great friend of mine just lost HER mother a couple of weeks ago. Isn't it funny that no matter how old we get, losing a loved one, especially a parent, is never easy. When my parents passed away, I was an adult, and it was so tough to deal with. I lost my father first, and then my mom several years later. During the times of those losses, I thought about all the children in the world who don't even have parents, or had lost parents at a very young age. It made me grateful that I had my parents for so long into my adult years. It doesn't make the loss any easier, but it does make you realize that some children would have loved to have their parents into their adulthood. It's so hard to have the right words to say during this time of loss. You want to be there for your friends, but at the same time, you don't want to seem pushy. So, I usually let them know that I'm thinking of them and open my door to them whenever they feel they need someone to talk to. If you've ever lost a loved one, and especially a parent, the thing that has gotten me through all the difficult days is to try to remember the happy times that I had with both of them. I try to remember the funny stories along the way, and that seems to help me......especially if I'm having a particularly bad day. So, to all my friends who have lost a parent, know that I'm right here anytime you need to vent. I guess we're all reaching an age now where losing a parent is "normal"; nonetheless, it doesn't ever make it easier! If you are fortunate enough to still have a parent(s), give them a call and tell them you love them. Or, if you live in the same town, take time to go see them!

Until next time........

Precious Memories

As I wrote in my previous blog about my mom, I had a very special relationship with my dad as well. They are fond memories, and they are memories that I will hold in my heart forever. With my father, he had a hard time expressing his feelings to us, but we all knew that he loved us very much. With me, however, I think we shared a special bond, and during the times that I felt like I couldn't verbally express to my dad how I felt about him, I'd write him a note to tell him how much I loved him. It seems to be a Hayes thing......finding it hard to verbally tell each other how we feel, but I think we all know that the love it there. I, for one, am trying harder to learn how to verbally express my love. Anyway, to get back to my dad, there's a memory that I will never forget. After we moved to Marion, my mom and dad would sit with me on the couch before I went to school, and we would hold hands, and dad would say a prayer for my day, to keep me safe, and to pray for everything that was on his mind. I was probably one of the only kids in that school that had a father that prayed with his daughter before each day that I left for school. It's a big reason, I believe, that I survived that move to Marion. I realize now that dad not only prayed for me that morning, but probably "prayed without ceasing" throughout the day. And, one of my greatest memories was the many, many times I would ride with dad to a number of hospitals to be with parishioners who were having surgery, or were ill. I would drive to the hospital so that dad could rest on the way, and then he would drive on the way back. On the way home, if there was a Frisch's Big Boy near by, we would always stop, just the two of us, and get the chili spaghetti. It was our favorite thing in the world to eat. That, and we also liked Taco Bell's burritos, so whenever it was just the two of us, it was either Frisch's or Taco Bell. I loved these trips with my dad, because it was just US. We, as a pastor's family, had to share our father, so the times I got to be with him by myself were a special treat. The other thing that dad was famous for was knowing every dairy whip in the state of Ohio. If there was a dairy bar within a 200 mile radius, my dad could tell you where it was at, and we probably stopped at each of them at one time or another. There's a saying that is one of my favorites that says, "I may not be perfect, but parts of me are pretty awesome." (as shown in my icon) That's how I think my father felt about himself. My father was far from perfect, but he was, in my eyes, one of the greatest men to walk on this earth! I miss those times so much! They are memories that I will never forget. One more memory, was one that showed that my dad could have a funny side, too. Sometimes, we'd go out to shoot baskets, and the thing he loved to do was this silly laugh, to make ME laugh so that I couldn't shoot the basketball! Dad also loved to cook and bake. In fact, I always thought that he could have owned his own bakery and been very successful at it. Just ask any of my family members about his cinnamon rolls! He loved to be in the kitchen, whether to make a big pot of chili or to make cookies. I think it was his way to de-stress. Anyway, this is just a few memories. I will share more in time. I was going to post this tomorrow, but, after writing about my mom, it made me feel better, so I just decided to keep writing! I DO feel better now. Just thinking about happier days.

Until next time................

Happy Days...............

The past few days have been bad days for me. The weather hasn't helped, being cold, rainy, and all out blah!!!!! Today, however, the sun is shining, and I'm fighting to get out of the funk that I've been in for the past few days. As I was driving around Findlay today, some happy memories of my mom came to mind, so I thought I would share them. My mom and I were very close, and in my younger years, we had so many fun times together. I think I was the lucky one to be the youngest in the family, and the only girl, because I think my mom and I shared a special bond that she didn't have with the boys. Not that she wasn't close to them, but it's just that our bond was special. One of my favorite memories of mom was a time that my parents and I went to Disney World over Christmas vacation. We were at the park, and I had decided that I wanted to ride the sky ride, where you sit in a car and ride on a wire across the park and look out over all the rides and millions of people visiting the park. I will be the first to tell you that heights have never been my forte, and it's also the reason that my dad decided to stay on the ground and wait for us! So, mom and I got in line and just as we were about to board onto our "car", the ride operators said that they would be shutting the ride down for some routine maintenance. Well, as soon as I heard this, I decided that I no longer wanted to ride this thing! I quickly began looking for a way to get out of there! I saw some stairs that led to somewhere, so we decided to see where this led! When we got to the bottom, we saw what looked like a big garage area, so we ventured into this area, figuring that somehow, we would be able to get back to the main park. As we entered, we realized that this was like a miniature city! An underground city! We found out that this indeed was a city, with street signs, and everything. As we were walking through there, trying to act like we knew what we were doing, we ran into Mickey Mouse, taking his head off, and also saw many characters getting ready to put their costumes on. Finally, Cinderella asked us if we needed any help, and my mom explained how we got down there, and she very graciously showed us how to get back to the main park. I look back on that memory now and realize that my mom could have "blown a gasket" when I decided not to ride the sky ride. But, she took it all in stride, and later on, we had a good laugh about the whole thing. Another fun memory of my mom was when we went to King's Island on another vacation, and there was a ride there that resembled a bobsled, and she got on it with me. She had so much fun on that ride and laughed so hard that she had everyone waiting in line laughing along with her! Her laugh was very contagious. She also loved to ride the scrambler, and every time we got on there, we'd laugh until we cried! I would try so hard to not slam into her once the scrambler started moving, but she'd always make me laugh, and into her side I'd go! Another memory was when we were at the mall to pick something up, and Curly, from the Harlem Globetrotters was there for a meet and greet, and he picked mom out of the crowd to help him with one of his stunts. She was the star of the show. She ended up getting to keep the basketball and got an autographed copy of Curly. Mom was always a good sport, and a great example of this was when our youth group decided to have a "haunted house" for halloween in the basement of the church. We were coming up with ideas to make it scary, and mom taped herself singing in a really screechy voice, that we could use when everyone walked into this room. She and I had a blast making this tape, and, once again, laughed until we had tears coming out of our eyes! This particular halloween party was also a costume party, and my parents dressed up as the Pillsbury Dough Twins! They were the hit of the party. As serious as they could be at times, it was fun to see them "let their hair down" once in a while so that everyone saw the fun side of them. These are just a few memories of mom that make me smile everytime I think of them! I'll share more in the days and weeks to come. I also have special memories of my father, which will be my next entry.

Until next time.....................

Looking Back

When I was a freshman in high school, a simple man from Plains, Georgia was running for President. Of course, I was not old enough to vote, but our school held a mock election, where everyone could get involved and campaign for the person they thought would make the next best President. From the moment that Jimmy Carter started running for office, I was impressed with him. I was impressed with the fact that he seemed like "the man next door" and he seemed to actually have strong, genuine feelings about making this great nation of ours a better place to live. He impressed me so much that I even wrote a letter to him and told him that if I was old enough to cast a vote, I would give him my vote. I wished him luck in the campaign and said that I hoped to see him taking the Oath of Office for President of the United States. A few weeks later, I actually received a letter from Jimmy Carter, along with an autographed picture. He thanked me for my support. I remember on election night sitting in front of the television set waiting for updates on the votes, and eventually, it was declared that Jimmy Carter would indeed be the next President. I was very happy. To my surprise, as the Innauguration neared, I came home from school one day to find an actual invitation to the Presidential Inauguration of Jimmy Carter! I could not believe it! Somehow (I think my dad was the culprit), the town paper found out about my invitation, and came to the house for an interview and I made the front page of the Marion Star!! In the next couple of weeks, we started to make plans to attend the festivities in Washington, D.C. I thought the day would never come, but after many sleepless nights, we were on our way to the Capital! My parents and I got to meet with our Congressman, who, by the way, even invited us to stay at his home during our stay. My parents declined, but looking back, I thought about what an honor that was. Instead, we stayed at a very nice Holiday Inn in Maryland, and commuted into Washinton for the Innaugural events. We even got to see Martin Luther King, Sr. give a speech on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. My father, with map in hand, directed mom and I to all the various activities, and seeing Jimmy Carter sworn in as President was one of the greatest moments of my life! We even had an invitation to go to the Presidential Innaugural Ball, but we didn't attend that. Instead, we headed back to the hotel and watched that on television. The way I look at it, I was part of history. I got to watch Jimmy and Rosalyn walk the parade route and wave to everyone, I got to watch him be sworn in as President of the United States. It's a memory I will never forget. My parents and I had such a wonderful time, and I know that financially, we probably couldn't afford this trip, but I think that they knew that this indeed was part of history, so they did everything they had to to make it all happen! That's how my mom and dad were. Their famous saying was "robbing Peter to pay Paul", and I'm sure that's what happened in order for this trip to take place! Thanks, mom and dad!

Until next time..........

p.s. On an unrelated note, check out my brother's blog, entitled Leaving Nadderby. It's worth checking out!

SLOW DOWN...............

I have lived in a lot of cities in a lot of different states. Some were small towns, some were medium-sized cities, and some were large. In all the cities and towns that I have lived in, and for that matter, traveled in, I have never seen tailgaiting at its worst as it is in Findlay! Drivers in this town love to ride right on your bumper! God forbid, you have to make a right hand turn! Better do it fast! If not, the driver behind you will be inside your trunk. What is the rush? After all, you can drive from one end of Findlay to the other in 10 minutes or less! Findlay residents are constantly complaining about all the "traffic" in this town! I have to giggle just a little bit because after living in one of the vacation capitals of the world (Pigeon Forge), these people have not begun to see traffic until they live there and deal with it every single day! Miles and miles of cars make their pilgramage into Pigeon Forge from Route 66! Once they exit off 405 into Sevierville to get to Pigeon Forge, they can be in traffic anywhere from 2 hours to 12 hours! Now that's traffic! Traffic in Findlay is NOTHING! And really, there's no reason to be in such a hurry that you have to ride my bumper or anyone else's for that matter! Spring has finally sprung in Findlay, so everyone needs to just SLOW DOWN and enjoy this beautiful spring weather we are finally having after such a cold, dreadful winter! SLOW DOWN!!! Roll your window down in your car......breathe in the fresh air.........enjoy the sights and sounds of spring! Go to one of the parks, get out of your car, and take a walk and have some "me" time. Take a deep breath and just RELAX! Even if it's just for 5 minutes! Breathe and Relax! And SLOW DOWN!! You know, we aren't promised the next day, so we need to enjoy every second we have on this earth. Think about it.....what if today was your last day on earth? SLOW DOWN.........

I can't get this off my mind!

I watched the Oprah show today, and it was very disturbing. The topic today was on puppy mills, where people (and I use that term loosely) breed puppies in very deplorable conditions. These dogs, in 99.9% of the cases, NEVER leave a cage, and these cages are very small. The mother of the puppies also live in very small cages with their litter. It was reported that the majority of these dogs have never even walked on grass, or even WALKED! The adult dogs are used strictly for breeding purposes. The puppies are the more fortunate ones, in that they get to leave after approximately 8 weeks, where they are sent to pet stores to be sold. It was reported that 99% of all puppies sold in pet stores come from these puppy mills. Some of the puppy mills have called various no-kill rescue shelters to come get some of the dogs that are of no use to them anymore, due to age, illness, etc. These are the lucky dogs. There is a man that runs a no-kill animal rescue, and he goes on a regular basis to rescue the dogs that the breeders are willing to give to him. The Oprah show accompanied him on one of his rescues, and the conditions of these puppy mills would make anybody with a heart be absolutely sick! Upon rescue, he took these dogs back to his farm/shelter. These dogs had no idea how to walk and, of course, were very frightened. The staff first began by getting the dogs the proper medical care that they needed and then groomed them. All the dogs were covered in urine and feces, and their coat was severely matted. Many times, the chains around their necks had also become embedded into their hair and, in some cases, their skin, and had to be cut out. This man, and I apologize for not remembering his name, or the name of his shelter, should be given the highest humanitarian award that can be given. (I'm sure if you go onto Oprah.com, his information would be available.) He has a beautiful facility, and he rehabilitates the dogs and they become available for adoption. He has a 99% success rate in his adoption process. The highlight for me was seeing the dogs learning how to play and run outside in the grass, and seeing, for the first time, the shine in their eyes.....they looked as if, for the first time in their lives, like they were something of value.

The other disturbing piece was that of a humane society shelter in Texas, who allowed Oprah's crew to follow the director on a "typical" day at the shelter. Due to overcrowding, he has to mark cages of dogs that will have to be euthanized EACH DAY, due to no room. It was the most heart wrenching thing I ever sat and observed. These dogs, tails wagging, walk to "the room", where in just 15 short minutes, their lives will end. How does one make this type of decision?! It's not the director's fault, and I know that it wouldn't be an easy decision. But, no dog should have to go through this. This particular shelter euthanizes up to 70 dogs per day! Thrown into garbage bags to be taken to the dump! And this is the HUMANE SOCIETY!!!!

What can be done? Well, as Bob Barker always used to say at the end of the Price Is Right, have your pets spayed and neutered. This would cut down on the pet population. But what about the dogs that are here now? I wish I had a big farm with lots and lots of acres, and I would rescue as many dogs as I could! I guess what I'm saying as I stand on my soapbox today is this! If you are thinking about getting a pet, PLEASE go to a shelter and take in one of these dogs that needs your love! Their "sentence" at the shelter is very short, due to the overpopulation, and millions of dogs are being killed every day! If you have a heart at all, this would bother you! If you don't have a pet, but have the time and space for one, please consider it. If you didn't see this show today, try going to Oprah's website to see if you can see it. I warn you, it is very disturbing, but it is something that everyone should watch.

For those of you who DO have a pet, give them some extra lovin' today! I know I did with my Peanut! I couldn't hug him tight enough! Don't ever take your pet(s) for granted, even on the days that they drive you crazy! No matter how irritated we get with our pets, they still love us unconditionally........something we, as humans should do with each other. So quit reading my blog and go give your pet some extra attention and thank the good Lord that he/she is in your life!

A Letter to Mom and Dad

Both my mom and dad have been gone for a long time, now. Too long. If I could write them a letter so that they could read it, I think this is what I would say......

Dear Mom and Dad, I think about you every single day since your passing. There's so many days when I wish I could have even 1 more hour with you. It would be nice if you could come down once in a while just to say hello and catch up on everything that's going on. You've missed some pretty amazing things since you have been gone. Kim and Eric got married at McComb United Methodist, your old church, dad. Kim made a beautiful bride and she has married a good man. He's a very hard worker and takes very good care of Kim. I wouldn't have it any other way. After all the bad relationships that I've been in, I will not let either of my daughters go through what I had to endure. Kim and Eric now have their first baby, who was born in July! How I wish you could see him! His name is Kyle Matthew and you would love him to pieces! You can't help but love this little boy. He is so adorable, and is growing by leaps and bounds. His first birthday will be here before you know it. He has learned to crawl and can pull himself up to things now, and I know that he will be walking very soon. I can be having the worst day in the world and all I have to do is go out to see him and see his smile, and I'm better! I seem to forget why the day was so bad! Being a grandmother is everything I hoped it would be and more. Of course, I don't feel old enough to be a grandmother, but Kyle makes me proud to hold the title. I moved back from Tennessee in order to be a part of Kyles life, as well as Kim and Kasey's lives. I loved Tennessee, but I missed the girls terribly, and just couldn't live that far away. Kim gets to be a stay-at-home mom with Kyle, for which I am happy about! She loves being home with him and she is such a good mommy. You would be so proud of her. She misses you both so much! I don't think any of us have ever gotten over you being gone.

Kasey is living in Cincinnati and has her first apartment! She is working full time and has become such a beautiful young woman. Dad, she has your beautiful, blue eyes. She turned 21 in December! Hard to believe, huh? She has been dating Tim for the past 3 years and I think that someday, they will get married. He is in the Police Academy, so he will be a policeman one of these days. He is an awesome guy, and I think Kasey is very fortunate to have found someone like Tim. Kasey is very artistic and has started to put that talent to use, and I'm glad to see her do that. I would like to see her go back to college and get her degree, but time will tell. She has so much artistic talent, and I wish she would be getting paid what she deserves! She loves Cincinnati, and I think that will be her home. I don't think she will ever move back to Findlay, and that's ok. It's not that far away, and as long as I can see her, I'm ok with that.

I am adjusting to Findlay. The best part of Findlay is the fact that Kim and Kyle are here! I have found a job that I like at a local motel. It's not my life's dream job, but I love the people there and I love my boss, and sometimes, I think it's more important to be happy at your job than to worry about the money. I have also found a great landlord, and the rent here in Findlay is very affordable. I had to take myself off of my anti-depressant in order to save money, and it was pretty rough going for awhile. I'm doing better now. I am hoping to get to a doctor soon, however, to have a check up and talk to him about my depression. I know that it runs in our family, and I just don't want to have another nervous breakdown like I had a few years ago. To be honest, I fight depression every day. But, I refuse to let it defeat me, and with God's help, I'll get through it. It's just that some days can be really bad, and I'll have that feeling of total dispair and overwhelming fear. Sometimes, all I want to do is sleep. But lately, I've been making myself do SOMETHING when I have these feelings.....I take Peanut (my dog) to the park for a walk, I read, or, I write, which has helped me more than anything. When I'm having one of those days, it makes me want to be able to get in touch with you somehow. I know that I can still talk with you, but the problem is that you can't talk back!

I will tell you of an experience I had not long after I moved back to Findlay. I had just gotten into bed and had just started to nod off, when I felt something on my head, like a pat, or someone running their hand over my hair. I sat up and looked around and there was no one there. I think, in my mind, that it was both of you, letting me know that you knew that I was back home, and that you were proud of my decision.

Every time I see a butterfly, I think of you, mom. Every time I see a dairy bar, I think of you, Dad! Archies just opened up for the season, and I think about how much you'd like their icecream! I'll never forget, Dad, the time you took me to the dentist to have a tooth filled, and we stopped on the way home to get an icecream cone and I had it all over my mouth because the anesthesia hadn't worn off!

I have so many memories of you both! And I just wanted to let you know that my love for you will never fade. If anything, my love for you gets stronger every day! I know you are watching over me, and I know that you love me. I just wanted you to know that I love you!

Forever your daughter,

Mary

Best Hamburger Joint

If you ever find yourself in Findlay, Ohio, there is a little restaurant in downtown Findlay worth stopping at for a great hamburger! If you like Wendy's, this is better. Wilson's has been in Findlay for a long, long time! I can remember as a child that it was always a treat when my parents said we were going to Wilson's for a hamburger! They also serve fries, chocolate malts (frostys), chili, homemade pie, and a few other items. It's a no frills restaurant. You order at the counter, and there's always a line. And when they ask you for your order, you'd better have it ready! They move quickly, and all the hamburgers are made fresh. I don't know if you've ever watch Seinfeld, but the episode where everyone is in line for soup, and the guy behind the counter says, "no soup for you," is sort of the mindset at Wilson's. Have your order ready when they ask and there's no problem! Ok, maybe they aren't that harsh, but they want your order quickly so they can keep the line moving. The dining area itself is plain and simple. There's a few booths, and there's also stools so you can sit at the windows overlooking Main Street and watch traffic as you eat your "hamburgs". That's the other thing I forgot to mention. They are not called hamburgers, they are hamburgs! There's really nothing special about this place, but everyone in Findlay and the surrounding areas flock here on a daily basis to get their daily fix. Like I said, as a child, it was always a treat to go there, and we often went with another family that we were friends with and my friend, Karen and I would always sit on the stools so we could look out the window while our parents took a booth. Since being back in Findlay, I have eaten there probably a dozen times, and it has never disappointed me! One other thing I forgot to mention is that Wilson's is very affordable. I can order a cheeseburg, fries and a drink for under $5.00. So, if you are ever in the area, take time out to visit this fine establishment. It's worth it!