Both my mom and dad have been gone for a long time, now. Too long. If I could write them a letter so that they could read it, I think this is what I would say......
Dear Mom and Dad, I think about you every single day since your passing. There's so many days when I wish I could have even 1 more hour with you. It would be nice if you could come down once in a while just to say hello and catch up on everything that's going on. You've missed some pretty amazing things since you have been gone. Kim and Eric got married at McComb United Methodist, your old church, dad. Kim made a beautiful bride and she has married a good man. He's a very hard worker and takes very good care of Kim. I wouldn't have it any other way. After all the bad relationships that I've been in, I will not let either of my daughters go through what I had to endure. Kim and Eric now have their first baby, who was born in July! How I wish you could see him! His name is Kyle Matthew and you would love him to pieces! You can't help but love this little boy. He is so adorable, and is growing by leaps and bounds. His first birthday will be here before you know it. He has learned to crawl and can pull himself up to things now, and I know that he will be walking very soon. I can be having the worst day in the world and all I have to do is go out to see him and see his smile, and I'm better! I seem to forget why the day was so bad! Being a grandmother is everything I hoped it would be and more. Of course, I don't feel old enough to be a grandmother, but Kyle makes me proud to hold the title. I moved back from Tennessee in order to be a part of Kyles life, as well as Kim and Kasey's lives. I loved Tennessee, but I missed the girls terribly, and just couldn't live that far away. Kim gets to be a stay-at-home mom with Kyle, for which I am happy about! She loves being home with him and she is such a good mommy. You would be so proud of her. She misses you both so much! I don't think any of us have ever gotten over you being gone.
Kasey is living in Cincinnati and has her first apartment! She is working full time and has become such a beautiful young woman. Dad, she has your beautiful, blue eyes. She turned 21 in December! Hard to believe, huh? She has been dating Tim for the past 3 years and I think that someday, they will get married. He is in the Police Academy, so he will be a policeman one of these days. He is an awesome guy, and I think Kasey is very fortunate to have found someone like Tim. Kasey is very artistic and has started to put that talent to use, and I'm glad to see her do that. I would like to see her go back to college and get her degree, but time will tell. She has so much artistic talent, and I wish she would be getting paid what she deserves! She loves Cincinnati, and I think that will be her home. I don't think she will ever move back to Findlay, and that's ok. It's not that far away, and as long as I can see her, I'm ok with that.
I am adjusting to Findlay. The best part of Findlay is the fact that Kim and Kyle are here! I have found a job that I like at a local motel. It's not my life's dream job, but I love the people there and I love my boss, and sometimes, I think it's more important to be happy at your job than to worry about the money. I have also found a great landlord, and the rent here in Findlay is very affordable. I had to take myself off of my anti-depressant in order to save money, and it was pretty rough going for awhile. I'm doing better now. I am hoping to get to a doctor soon, however, to have a check up and talk to him about my depression. I know that it runs in our family, and I just don't want to have another nervous breakdown like I had a few years ago. To be honest, I fight depression every day. But, I refuse to let it defeat me, and with God's help, I'll get through it. It's just that some days can be really bad, and I'll have that feeling of total dispair and overwhelming fear. Sometimes, all I want to do is sleep. But lately, I've been making myself do SOMETHING when I have these feelings.....I take Peanut (my dog) to the park for a walk, I read, or, I write, which has helped me more than anything. When I'm having one of those days, it makes me want to be able to get in touch with you somehow. I know that I can still talk with you, but the problem is that you can't talk back!
I will tell you of an experience I had not long after I moved back to Findlay. I had just gotten into bed and had just started to nod off, when I felt something on my head, like a pat, or someone running their hand over my hair. I sat up and looked around and there was no one there. I think, in my mind, that it was both of you, letting me know that you knew that I was back home, and that you were proud of my decision.
Every time I see a butterfly, I think of you, mom. Every time I see a dairy bar, I think of you, Dad! Archies just opened up for the season, and I think about how much you'd like their icecream! I'll never forget, Dad, the time you took me to the dentist to have a tooth filled, and we stopped on the way home to get an icecream cone and I had it all over my mouth because the anesthesia hadn't worn off!
I have so many memories of you both! And I just wanted to let you know that my love for you will never fade. If anything, my love for you gets stronger every day! I know you are watching over me, and I know that you love me. I just wanted you to know that I love you!
Forever your daughter,
Mary
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